508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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