i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
