Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
