There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
