you would pick up someone in the library
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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