Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
