Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
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