We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
