my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
