Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
