$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
