allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
