im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
