Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
