Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
