You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
