Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
