I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
