My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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