awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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