Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
