Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
