Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
