I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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