Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
