you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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