false alarm. still invincible.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
