I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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