Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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