I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
