It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
