A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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