Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
