i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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