I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
time to smoke my breakfast
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
