the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
