so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
