ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
