Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
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