Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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