No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
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