Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
