Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
