i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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