I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
