erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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