Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Randomize
