areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
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