My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
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