Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
My feet surprised me
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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