things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
