Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
