If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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