Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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